Here at 7 Leaf Collective, we are very supportive of our local artists in Salem/Portland areas. This page is for any local artists wanting to put their art on our website. If you are interested in featuring your art on our page, please email your fantastic stoner art to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Lil Grim's Green House of Art-
Bio- Lil Grim is our shop, 7 Leaf Collective's, stoner mascot. He has been preaching positive ganja vibes for 420 years across the West-Coast. Lil Grim comes from the Grim Reefer Family in Salem, Oregon. His family includes our famous ganja farmer "Grim Reefer" and his ganja Queen Mamma Grim. He has 4 siblings; Big Grim, Jude, Logan and Lil Marie. Their positive views on the marijuana plant has helped many interested ganja users. To show support to our Oregon Community, we will like to invite you to the Wildside of 7 Leaf Collective. This page is for our fans and future partners in the marijuana industry. Lil Grim's Green House of Art is a new trend, but we hope for many more great 4/20 celebrations, for years to come. Check out daily updates on Lil Grim's Instagram @ lilgrim420
Local Grower's Photo Selection-
Grim Reefer's Weekly Growing Tips (coming soon summer 2016)-
Local Music/DJ Beats Selection-
B-Digital's Weekly Mic Drop Sessions (coming soon summer 2016)-
Bio: B-Digital (Brandon Manus) is a dedicated Producer and DJ currently based in Salem, OR. In 1994 he was born in Seattle, WA and had began to develop a very strong passion towards music at a young age as his parents were regularly tuned into the hottest Hip-Hop and Alternative tracks of the 80's and 90’s. Some of the artists that had strongly influenced Brandon as a child include Eiffel 65, Daft Punk, Outkast, Tracy Chapman and Nirvana. In 2009, Brandon found himself amazed with Electronic Dance Music shortly after being introduced to artists such as Bar9, Rusko, Bassnectar and Skrillex. Attending a few local raves had also insured his personal love towards Electronic Music and in 2012 he decided to start developing music of his own. Brandon quickly became familiar with the fundamentals of mixing and mastering and successfully produced his first few tracks in early 2012 and gave himself the name B-Digital. Ever since, Brandon has put out dozens of different remix's and original tracks all managed in between the countless hours he spends practicing and promoting. Experimenting with genres ranging from Experimental and Hip-Hop to Dubstep and Drum N' Bass, B-Digital strives to touch all corners of EDM while occasionally stepping outside the box to feel something new. Check out B-Digital’s Soundcloud page to listen to his latest work > https://soundcloud.com/b_digital
Local Creative Writing Section-
Bob Zabba's Weekly Tales From The Wildside-
(1st Edition: April, 13th 2016)
Written by Jim Johnson
Edited by Mike Warren
7 Leaf Collective Presents: The Wildside
Bat Country is No Place for a Yeti
They just don’t grow it Like 1977 Colombian Ganja
Way back in the day, there was one incident in U.S. history that the people were gifted ganja’s finest. That day is known to many old timers, who prided themselves as cannabis activists. A plane crashed in 1977, filled with 6 tons of the strongest ganja ever produced. The plane crashed in Yosemite National Park, on Lower Merced Pass Lake. This mysterious cargo plane crashed, and killed two people on board coming from Columbia. Climbers had intercepted radio signals from local authorities, and they checked it out. They could see the plane crashed in the ice of the lake. The climbers then seen large black bag shaped figures in the water. There was a marijuana symbol on the bags. It was high grade, red haired, Colombian weed. There was 6 tons of it. The stories of this ganja heaven soon became well known to the local climbers. They would go up there with chainsaws and carve out these large straw bags of ganja. Now that is the story the papers told, but I’ve heard other people say there was something else. They say a Yeti was on the prowl, and took off with the last known bag of the Colombian LMP Lake Crash Bud. But this legend was started from two very unreliable local police officers. These two officers were later known for far worse things, than attempting to convince people what they had seen that day in Yosemite Park. As unbelievable as it might be, Officer O’Malley and Officer Johansson, were the same cops that killed Winnie and Danny. Although this story was far before they had committed murder. They claimed a mythical creature had come out of the woods, and then dove into the icy, cold lake. When he swam back up to the surface, he was holding a bag of the Colombian weed. The shocked officers attempted to pull their triggers, but instead were stalemated with their guns pointed at the creature. Officer O’Malley told the local news reporters, that the Yeti type creature spoke to them. He snarled at them and said, “Leave me be humans, for I am Pacheco, the almighty Yeti. You have no idea how powerful this seven leaf flower is, and I must bring it to the Planet 7 Leaf Collective, it will be safe there. The moment when this flower is returned, it will be when our souls will be safe from the evil of Cliff Pritcher. As a proud servant to the Book of Soul, and the Godfather of Soul James Brown, I will take care of this.” The officers then said the Yeti jumped in a flying black 440 Dodge Monaco looking spaceship, and disappeared into the night sky. Now every town has fictional stories passed through the generations. But I mean as we learned through the movie “The Goonies”, there is always a possibility, of fiction taking a turn into reality. That is why I have always kept an open mind on any issue, or story I’ve ever heard. I mean fuck it, a good story is sometimes more legendary, than the truth anyway. My recent adventures have been an exceptional example of this. This is how an average has been, can blossom into a Green Avenger. The term Green Avenger comes from the righteous brotherhood known as the TGA. The Green Avengers are a group of out of sight individuals, who have created the most far out cheeba ever known to man. Their cannabis strand P.I.C. or Play It Cool has been in magazines all over the world. It was named High Times best cannabis strand to cure suicide, and depression in mental insane hospitals. In matter of fact, 50 percent of mild mental disabilities have been almost completely cured, through patient use of the P.I.C. strand. That is one of the major proposal supports for Cannabis to be federally legal in the whole United States. President Blind Willie Mctell has been watched very carefully, by the Republican Party lately, for that reason. There have been many rumors that he will commit to ending the War on Drugs before his term ends in 2017. The blinded Christian faith Republicans and White Supremacist groups have protested strongly against cannabis use for decades. They declare that the cannabis is solely the purpose for minorities gaining their rights in America. As they believe the jump-in and jivin side-effects cannabis current causes, have plagued and crippled the great white nation. But as the battle of good and evil continues, the TGA brotherhood is just a part of a group of good people. I learned firsthand how TGA had influenced fellow Wildsiders. My friends Lady Laduke and the Orphan Warriors had preached many powerful tales, of when they fought righteous battles with the TGA brotherhood. Lady Laduke before her death on that awful day of the Klanidji Massacre, told me if I were ever in trouble to go to Salem, Oregon. She said the TGA brotherhood had a safe house there, and they would always help a fellow Wildsider. She also informed me that she had met TGA’s founder, The Great Jill. Jill supposedly had made contact with a magical Yeti. Jill had told Lady Laduke that this Yeti had possessed the last ten pound bag of Colombian weed, from the fatal plane crash in 1977. She also pleaded to Lady Laduke to help her find a way into the Spirit World, and find the Yeti again. For Jill believed that if her P.I.C. strand and the 1977 Colombian strand crossed, they would create the most righteous cannabis strand ever. In fact, she stated that not only would this be some killer grass, it would cure hatred in humans. Lady Laduke had told me that although she wasn’t able to help her friend, she did have faith in her idea. This memory of Lady Laduke’s story led me to head towards Salem, Oregon. Now I had no idea on how to find the Land of Yetis, so when Ginger told me that, she forgot to give me directions. That is why I thought maybe Jill, or the TGA brotherhood could help me on my journey. Maybe they had received further word from Pacheco the Yeti, or they would have any idea where the Land of Yetis was. The only way to find out was to cruise on the moped to Salem, so that’s what I did.
Salem Is No Longer Just For Witches
It was a fairly short ride to Salem, from the Bad to the Bone Bar. I knew that when I reached the capital city of Oregon, it would be easy to find information on the TGA. Since the State of Oregon, became the third state to legalize the recreational use of cannabis on July 1st, 2015. There would be an abundance of cannabis shops that would sell TGA strands, and possibly have information on where to find The Green Avengers. It was almost too picture perfect, when I came cruising around town in my newly five finger discount moped. I was looking pretty rugged in my torn apart suit, and newly developed scar across my neck. But looking around this weird town; full of hippies, friendly bums and the casual blue collar Americans. I felt that I somewhat belonged, and totally fit in the far out town. It barely took fifteen minutes after reaching the city borders, to spot a cannabis shop. Déjà vu had struck me again, as I read the shop’s sign. “7 Leaf Collective” read the giant letters across the building. I thought to myself, wasn’t the planet named 7 Leaf Collective in the mythical Yeti’s dialog to the officers in Yosemite Park in 1977. There had to be some kind of a righteous connection, and powerful sign that this was the place I was looking for. So I pulled up to the parking lot and parked my moped in the parking spot near the main entrance. I reached into the pockets of my suit, to see if I could find any money, to be able to buy some cannabis. Being a cool dude, I knew I couldn’t just walk into the joint and started asking questions. I had to play this cool, just like Ray had told me and the righteous of being a soul brother had taught me. As a gift from Andrew Jackson himself, I found a twenty dollar bill in my right pocket. My other pocket had my Soul Power shades Ray had left me, so I decided to wear them. Instantly my body felt numb as I put them on, and that righteous feeling came upon be again. These definitely were my Excalibur sword, on my mission to kill Cliff Pritcher and all of the demons that followed his evil ways. Walking into the shop I felt cool vibes rush my veins. There stood seven hip looking budtenders in front of me. They were all wearing matching green 7 Leaf Collective jump suits, with the collars popped up and the same Soul Power shades I was wearing. It was a trip man, to say the least, but without a doubt these were the folks I was looking for. The shop alone was electrifying itself, but these unique individuals looked like super heroes. There was green shag carpet covering all the walls, and floors of the store. Pictures of cannabis history and well-known celebrity cannabis activists filled the walls also. It was like the Hard Rock Cafe for ganja, and I only felt righteous vibes after my first step onto groovy 70’s style carpet. As I introduced myself, I said, “What’s good folks? I am Bob Zabba, and I am indeed of some help from a righteous group like you. My journey of profiling my destiny, led me here, and I need to find the Great Jill of The Green Avengers. She has information on a Yeti, they call Pacheco, and he is the only one that can help me save the universe”. To what typically would sound like nonsense to most people, these hip people knew exactly what I came for. One of the men walked up to me and shook my hand, with a grin on his face. He said, “Bob Zabba, nice to meet you my brother. My name is Mark, and I am the manager here at 7 Leaf Collective. We are fellow Wildsiders, and proud servants of The Green Avengers. We have heard stories of visions, our leader Jill has had of you. She said a man they call Bob Zabba, will be coming to us in need of help, and save all of us from the evil Cliff Pritcher. Unfortunately the Great Jill has been kidnapped last night, alongside Mark Warren the great Yeti expert scientist. We have been on the phone with the other members of the T.G.A., and they say a group of Nazi scientists called, “MK Ultra’s Finest” have taken them. They said it was a very brutal and bloody night, in which many T.G.A. members were murdered in their sleep, by the Nazi scientists. The only other information that they had for us, was the Nazi’s were talking about the Planet 7 Leaf Collective and retrieving a crystal from the Spirit World. We are all in a complete panic and have no idea what to do Bob.” When you think the crazy gonzo trip of the Wildside is over, it takes you to another level of danger. Without even any recognition of doubt in my head, that I’d be the one to save these Wildsiders from the grips of Cliff Pritcher. So I answered Mark in saying, “Nice to meet you Mark. I’m not sure what the reasoning behind this madness is, but I have fought against that bastard Cliff Pritcher. I’ve defeated him and his evil goons before, so don’t worry man, the power of soul will help me take him down again. Is there any other information you can give me, and possibly anything on how to reach Pacheco the Yeti.” Mark instantly reacted with a sign of relief, and spoke again to me. He said, “Bob Zabba I knew the stories of you were true, that you are the Wildsider we need to save us. First I want to introduce you to the team here. Next to me is Vanessa, she is my wife and mother to my three righteous children. We met at one of T.G.A. triathlon meets, as we both were the champs of our genders, and naturally fell in love. Over there in the corner by the DJ set up, is Brandon and Wally. They are the young bucks of our crew, and have studied the Wildside intensely since they were children. Brandon is our master musical genius, and Wally is our Albert Einstein of weed. The Ladies to the right are our famous soul singers. Julie and Shelby have traveled the United States as the famous two person soul music Du-op group "Ganja Queens". These two Wildsiders can calm any wild animal with their singing, it’s a trip man. Last we have our own gonzo artist Dusty; he has inspiring Wildsider artwork all over the West Coast. We are righteous people from all different types of life, that come together to serve the Wildside. Now to answer your question on finding Pacheco the Yeti, we have a possible solution for you. The Great Jill and Mikey Chen had been using our marijuana grow house, to create a spaceship in order to get to The Land of Yetis. See Bob, Mikey had been researching the ancient legend of Pacheco for decades. He has dedicated his whole life in order to find him, and retrieve the last bag of the marijuana strand 1977 Colombian Crash bud. This scientist has taken, The Great Jill’s theory in crossing her P.I.C. strand with the 1977 Colombian Crash strand, to finally create complete peace between all the Universe creatures. So when those two finally met and collaborated, they created the officers in Yosemite Park’s sketch of the mysterious Yeti’s spaceship to perfection. It was actually in complete luck, that the key ingredient to making it fly was condensed P.I.C. bud into fuel. Now follow me and I will take you to the ship.” Well fuck that was easy enough to find the information I was looking for. This destiny shit is no joke, I really am finally learning to have complete faith in the Wildside for guidance. Knowingly that time was precious at this moment; I shook all the other Wildsiders hands and followed Mark through the back room of the shop. In complete shock, we were in an elevator after getting through the door. Mark looked at me and laughed, he could sense my confusion. So I asked him, “Mark my man, what the hell we doing in an elevator. I thought we were going to the grow house, to get the spaceship?” Mark replied, “Zabba my brother, we are going to the grow house. The grow house is one hundred yards below the surface, in order for complete security of our equipment and research. Over the years we have had discovered many interesting facts of human life. Did you also know that, we although great people, are not the only beings in space. We have discovered that there are many other universes such as ours, in space. It seems illogical to think otherwise, and for most people, it’s just being terrified to reality in which they choose to debunk the fact that we are not alone. Now I hate to bore the great Bob Zabba with history that he already knows through his obvious far-out adventures. So please let’s take a moment of silence while we listen to the Sly and The Family Stone’s song, “Everyday People”. A feeling of being in this Wildsider Batcave, gave me the reassurance I needed to continue my battle against Cliff Pritcher was upon me. I knew that if all of these righteous soul brothers and sisters were willing to give their life for the cause of the Wildside. Why would I ever complain about leading this out of sight crew of people to the promise lands? There was no reason not to, because I was an everyday people. Sly and The Family Stone’s song electrified my soul, and allowed me to realize this mission was bigger than any one person. As in a very charismatic way, the song ended as the elevator doors opened to a new room. Mark still in his Wildsider shades and 7 Leaf suit, did not say a word, instead just instructed me to follow him. So I followed him through what did look exactly like the Batman’s Batcave. There were computers and high tech gadgets everywhere. But the only thing that caught my eye in an astounding way was the Blues Mobile. It was a marvelous sight to see, in complete perfection to John Belushi and Dan Akyroyd’s characters vehicle, in the movie The Blues Brothers. Personally, I had never seen the 1974 Dodge Monaco sedan in real life, just watching the film. So the righteous feeling came over me that I had finally earned my spot as a Blues Brother. Of course I had seen this vehicle in my dream, when Belushi was driving me in this exact car as we seen Pritcher killing my sister. I knew at that exact moment I was having no ordinary dreams, but in fact premonitions of the Wildside. These premonitions have been the sole reason for my survival over my recent adventures. A new sense of focus and drive came upon me that moment. “Alright my fellow Wildsider, it is time for this dude to boogie and find a Yeti. How does this thing work?” I said to him. Mark responded, “It’s been real Bob Zabba, and I hope you are the man to save us. But in regards to the Wildsider mobile, all you need to do is fill it with the P.I.C. bud for fuel. We packed the truck full with a few pounds, so that should last you for your trip. Now Mikey Chen designed this vehicle through premonitions he had in his dreams. He said that only a true Wildsider is able to run this, and must have the soul shades of John Belushi himself. Other than that small detail, he said that you can logically type in any location in space. The Wildsider mobile is able to program the quickest and safest route possible to your choice of destination. Also there is a voice command program that speaks to you and helps run the vehicle. For some reason, Mikey Chen decided to use the deceased legend Ray Charles’s voice as the systems voice. Don’t ask me why he chose his voice, he couldn’t explain it either. That is all the information I have for you Mr. Zabba, let the Wildside be your righteous protector.” Mark then walked into the elevator and disappeared from my sight. The Wildsider mobile seemed fairly simple to run, and since it had an auto-pilot option I had time to smoke some P.I.C. bud. It had been a grip since I smoked and after all the nonsense at the Biker’s Paradise, my mind needed to regroup with the sweet taste of the ganja smoke. Only thing that puzzled me, I mean what else could I see that I haven’t in the recent past, was fucking Ray would be joining be again on my journey. Now I knew it wasn’t the actual spirit of my soul brother himself again, but at least a familiar voice would sound good. It was time for me to get in this righteous spaceship, and get this fucking new nightmare started. The only difference between the actual Blues mobile, and the Wildsider mobile were the colors. Blues Mobile was a black cop car with a white painted middle that had; cop shocks, cop motor, cop wheels and a broken lighter in the ashtray. Wildsider Mobile was green with a white painted middle, but of course the lighter was broken too. Comfort and relaxation were the feelings I had once I sat in the driving seat of the Wildsider Mobile. The keys were on the passenger seat, so I reached for them and attempted to start the vehicle. Without any moment, the old school car radio turned on. The voice of Ray began to speak, he said, “Before this righteous, far-out, totally pimped out mobile starts flying, show me your black shades intruder.” Remembering what Mark had told me, I put my shades on the dashboard to get approval. The lights then went out, and blue colored sparks started shooting around like falling stars everywhere. Looking at the shades, I could tell something was working for me. It was a magical sight to see, as the spaceship floated the shades back to head. When the shades finally retreated back to on my face, I was visually transformed into a eighties styled arcade game. My vision was in complete childhood ecstasy as Ray asked me, “What is today’s destination my soul brother Bob Zabba?” In a weird way it felt like this was the actual Ray, but I wasn’t in any mood to question that possibility. So I answered my co-pilot, “Land of Yetis, my good soul brother, we got to find a fellow Wildsider that goes my Pacheco.” The Wildsider Mobile asked no more questions and just said to relax, sit back, and let the righteous times roll. No reason came to me to second think that analogy, so I did just that, as the vehicle started and flew out a secret tunnel towards the sky.
Right Place, But the Wrong Time
Back in the 80's, there was a science fiction movie based on Pacheco the Yeti. Now as a child I watched this film multiple times. I never realized that is was actually a true story that was based on a dream that the director had. Now the 80's were a great time for creativity, and far out story plots. But this particular story plot always left a weird feeling of belief, that Pacheco was a real being. To this day, I still wonder if the wildside has a connection to all of the creatures it has taken over. For that reason, I used the novel written by the director Mike Warren himself, as a guide to understanding Pacheco. The book was titled, "Living in the shadow of the Godfather of Soul himself". The idea for the title came from Pacheco, being the only child of James Brown the yeti version. In the book. Pacheco is a struggling blues musician in the shadow of his father. His band Soulful Yetis just never could find that spark to make it big time, or compared to what Pacheco was expected to reach as James Brown's son. It's not easy living in your famous father's footsteps. I myself found that I never reached the success in basketball, that my father reached in football. But that's okay, because we all have a purpose in this place we call space. The only thing you can do is be righteous, and keep on searching harder and harder day by day. Peace, Love and desire are the only way for all of us creatures, to accomplish our true destinies. That is the true reason I found the creature Pacheco, so fascinating after watching the movie. Even though, he never truly found the power and success his father achieved. He found other ways to use his Blues and Soul Power to help others. The movie ends with Pacheco flying off into his Planet 7 Leaf Collective skies in a 1974 Dodge Monaco sedan. Pacheco was taken into the after streaming the movie, "The Blues Brothers". He then went to his local costume shop, and bought the complete Blues Brothers outfit, with the black soul brother shades to match. The Yetis and most of space are multiple years further in technology than Earth. Even though that is true, there are still many similarities between all worlds, and the creatures that habitat them, all over space. His reason for leaving his planet of Yetis, was to find the great spirits of Ray Charles and John Belushi. In order to have enough righteous wildside power to find the great cannabis strand P.I.C. bud, and the 1977 Colombian bud from the plane crash at Yosemite Park. Now Planet 7 Leaf Collective was not only great at grooming their fury bodies into hip, cool styles. But also are the best farmers in the whole thing we call space. So when a group of German Nazi scientists, that called themselves MK Ultra's Finest. Landed on Planet 7 Leaf Collective randomly, and stole the famous strand Yeti's Morning Breath. The Yeti population couldn't stop them, it was like the wildside either led them to the planet, or there is a dark side to everything. How a group of Nazi scientists found Planet 7 Leaf Collective is beyond this wildsider. In the book, Pacheco is looked upon by his father to find these scientists and return the Yeti's best gift to their people. Pacheco felt honored that his father would look to him for such a great journey to save his people's treasured bud. The wildside came to Pacheco in a dream, and told him to not only find the Yeti's Morning Breath. But also travel to the Planet Earth, and find The Great Jill of TGA with the P.I.C. bud, then the 1977 Colombian plane crash bud. In order to finally bring all the worlds of different creatures together, through combining the three marijuana strands for complete righteousness. The only thing about the yeti's story behind the 1977 Colombian bud, that different from Earth's version. Is that the Colombians had found this magical bud, and did not create it. The only thing about the yeti's story behind the 1977 Colombian bud that differed from Earth's version was that the Colombians had found this magical bud, and did not create it. They believed that the third and final dankest strand needed to form the door to the Wildside, was the 1977 Colombian Crash bud. From the Yeti’s theory, the story behind it was much more complex than any human could imagine. Yeti historians state that the spirit of Moe Greens, created this righteous strand for one purpose. That purpose is not only the ticket to the Wildside, but also the dankest weed known to any creature of space. Moe Greens was not just any random human spirit. He created the idea and vision for Las Vegas, Nevada’s current casino paradise. Unfortunately for Greens, not only do other men seek greed over creativity. They also terminate or destroy genius ideas, and turn them into profit. While typically idea thieves disregard any feelings for the original inventor or artist that started the vision of it all. That is why the Wildside was created in the first place. Moe Greens wanted justice for the spirits of past inventors, who faced the same fatal outcome he encountered in the human flesh. See when Moe Greens showed his friends in the mob, and show business his plans for Vegas. They shot him in the eye, and quickly made his dreams into a money greedy world for the wicked. Being more powerful and righteous as a spirit floating through the unknown space, he stumbled upon a mysterious planet. This mysterious planet was the Land of the Yetis. Typically human spirits linger Earth, watching over friends and family for eternity. But some of the most righteous or ambitious human spirits decide to travel into the unknown. That is exactly what Moe Greens did, after his fatal incident with his tainted acquaintances. He was so determined to do something great, even after death, that he traveled space for years. After many desperate attempts in finding a planet some creatures or other spirits lived. The Land of Yetis crossed his path, but the yetis were not shocked at Moe Greens arrival that day, for he was not the first spirit to pass through. But after spending many discussions with Vigoda the Yeti, they collaborated on the idea of a spirit world. Moe Greens and Vigoda, had a lot in common and worked well together. Vigoda was a Yoda type Yeti, and was considered the wisest of all Yetis. Vigoda made a deal with Moe Greens, in order to use his Yeti voodoo to create the Wildside. The deal was that each fourth year and twentieth day on the Yeti calendar, all the spirits in the Wildside would come celebrate their alliance at the Land of Yetis. Also the only gateway into the Wildside, was located on Planet 7 Leaf. Vigoda informed Greens, that the only way any humans could only pass through the gate, was with the cheeba smoke from the three dankest marijuana strands ever created. Now those strands would end up being; the Yeti’s Bad Breath strand, T.G.A.’s P.I.C. strand, and Moe Greens secret stash he created with Vigoda. Moe Greens figured that Earth was the best place to dump tons of his secret stash, in order to keep the Wildside from unwanted tourists. That secret stash ended up being the 1977 Colombian Crash strand. So with the last two strands on Earth, and the Yetis keeping their strand safe from danger, Moe Greens started the hippest spot for righteous spirits ever. He replicated it to Vegas, but it was Vegas on steroids. Many famous human spirits have spent their eternity in the Wildside, and making Moe Greens a paradise legend. That was until the spirit of that bastard Cliff Pritcher, befriended Greens, and then plotted against him to destroy the Wildside and take over space.
Evil Lurks, Cliffsiders Follow
Cliff Pritcher was Moe Greens faithful sidekick and friend for many prosperous years in the Wildside. That was until an ancient evil force found a way into the Wildside. It took over Pritcher and made him rebel against his leader Moe Greens. Cliff ironically persuaded the spirits of Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and Sammy Davis Jr. to help him escape the Wildside. The evil force told Pritcher he was the chosen one to take over the Land of Yetis, and all of space’s creatures. Cliff made Frank Sinatra an offer he couldn’t refuse, which led to Dean and Sammy to follow of course. Frank Sinatra was known for his Mafia connections on Earth, and it was no different in the afterlife. Frank made an agreement with Don Vito Yeti, and his sons; Pauley, Clemenzo, and Sunny. Don Vito Yeti would help Cliff Pritcher take over all of Space’s creatures and Planets. In return, Cliff would allow Don Vito Yeti to rule all of the Land of Yetis, and the Planet 7 Leaf. So when Cliff had his goons, he escaped the Wildside, and headed towards Earth. That is when he took over an elderly hippie’s body, after the man died of an overdose on cocaine in Oregon. Once Pritcher found his body to possess, it was just a matter of time for him to find evil followers. He started by killing a married couple that owned a motel in Oregon called “Déjà vu”, on the southern border of Oregon. Then he started using the motel as his headquarters for his evil master plan. He took in runaways, desperate bikers, and anyone that would buy into his bullshit. Cliffsiders, as his followers were known as, would complete evil deeds for Cliff all over the World. His two most reliable Cliffsiders, were also his most precious believers. Cliff Pritcher’s evil force powers were no joke; he had the power to do almost anything he wanted. Two runaways from California that went by the names of Ginger and Hil, turned into Devil’s advocates for Cliff. Ginger was turned into a spell powerful witch, and Hil turned into a blood sucking vampire. But after many jealous nights of bickering, Cliff banished Hil from the motel. She was furious from Cliff’s betrayal, so she took off down the West Coast to start her own crew of other vampires. That is why Hil had found Bob Zabba, and persuaded him to help her find her made up cousin’s killer. Ginger on the other hand, had plans of her own in which to kill Cliff. See after Ginger had flown to the Land of the Yetis on her broomstick, multiple times to deliver messages back and forth from Cliff to the Don Vito Yeti. Don Vito Yeti and Ginger fell into love, and came up with a plan to overrun Cliff Pritcher, in order to take full power of the Cliffsiders. That was the plan at first, until Ginger stole Vigoda’s Voodoo Book of Secrets the last trip she took there. She could have gotten away with it, but for the fact, that she accidentally dropped it, while flying through a thunderstorm, in a small town in China. The book happened to land on the door step, of the scientist Mikey Chen. Mikey was a well-known scientist all over China at the time, but was desperate for a new project. It was a typical night in China, when Mikey went outside to smoke a cannabis type cigarette, he called the Pacheco. Now Mikey was already working in the marijuana industry, with Jill The Great, and The Green Avengers. Mikey created the joint in a form that could possibly substitute tobacco based cigarettes with his Pacheco. The love of Mikey’s life had passed away from throat cancer, and led him to exploring a way to destroy all tobacco use on Earth. The Pacheco had already done wonders all over the West Coast, with T.G.A. endorsing them, and manufacturing thousands a day. It is unknown if Moe Greens or the Wildside, had any way purposely allowed Mikey to gain access to the Yeti world. But once he had it, the visions of Pacheco the Yeti came to him, and led him to writing his novel. The missing Vigoda’s Voodoo book left fear and sorrow in the Land of Yetis. For which there were powers in the book, far more dangerous than any righteous Yeti could prevent. That is why Cliff Pritcher was determined to find the book, and gather the righteous marijuana strands to regain access to the Wildside. Cliff had heard that the MK Ultra’s Finest, were being held at the Salem State Hospital. The evil forces of the Cliffside allowed him to telepathically motivate them to escape and help him in his master plan. MK Ultra’s Finest had been known as the evilest Nazi doctors during Hitler’s reign in Germany. They used any vulnerable human they could, to do experiments on them for pure pleasure. That is why Cliff knew he needed to get them to fight along -side The Cliffsiders vs. The Wildsiders war, in the biggest battle of good and evil of the 21st Century. Problem was that Cliff was still unable to locate the book, until Mikey Chen became famous for his Yeti novel, based on Pacheco the Yeti. There was no doubt Mikey fully believed in Vigoda’s Voodoo book. He created two of the 1974 Dodge Monaco Sedan spaceships, based on his visions he had in a dream. Jill the Great and Mikey’s Mexican Lawyer Tommy Lovato were the only people Mikey told of the Vigoda’s Voodoo book or his visions of Pacheco the Yeti. Mikey knew through his visions an evil force would be lurking in the shadows to find the book. So he left one of the spaceships deep underground at the 7 Leaf Collective shop, and the other at his Lawyer’s getaway mansion in China. Unfortunately for Mikey, his Lawyer had decided to use the Yeti Voodoo for greed. Tommy Lovato had an idea that if he were to capture a Yeti, not only would he become famous. But he could possibly be the most powerful and fascinating human of all time. That of course was not the case for Tommy, he only led himself into the dangerous hands of Don Vito Yeti. Once the Don alerted Cliff of the asking price for the book, the dangers of the evil Cliffsiders became reality. Cliff agreed on terms with the Don and squashing the beef after he tried to plot against him with Ginger. MK Ultra’s finest then fiercely captured Jill the Great and Mikey Chen, from The Green Avengers home base. The only hope now for the Wildside to be saved from evil was a man named Bob Zabba, and a Yeti named Pacheco. The destinies of these two Wildsiders would not only intersect, but test their abilities to come together, and destroy The Cliffsiders.
Soul Brothers Unite
The customized GPS system in the space ship, said it estimated the trip would take a total of 420 hours. I was surprised how long it would take to get to the Land of Yetis, but space is a big place. So to say being in a flying spaceship is not a trip would be an absolute lie. I never knew the exhilarating feeling you get seeing Earth from space. The colors of the planet were far out and humbling. But my anxiety of knowing my mission this time was getting to me. My whole life, society frowned upon the idea, of a pot head doing anything productive, but fry brain cells and watch cartoons. Great creative minds were scrutinized for making movies such as; Cheech and Chong, Jay and Silent Bob, Bill and Ted, and other movies that were centered on funny stoner characters. I found this hilarious, that in fact a stoner like me was hopefully going to save Earth’s people from evil. Before I thought a couple dumb rednecks like the Whitey Brothers, was my biggest enemy. Now I’m going to an unknown planet full of yetis, to fight an evil spirit that took hostage of Mikey Chen and Jill the Great. This whole situation was out of sight, but I knew it was my righteous duty to follow my destiny. “Bobby boy, how would you like to space box the blues mobile?” Ray said to me through the car stereo speakers. This voice recording of Ray was way too real. “What the hell is space boxing man, never heard of that before? But if it has anything to do with smoking some ganja, I’m totally down. I need to calm my nerves; this long trip is getting to me brother man”, I replied to him. Ray then said, “You still haven’t figured it out yet Bob, this isn’t a voice recording you son of a bitch. It’s your old buddy Ray Charles, that fucking Cliff blew up the Bonneville I possessed. So I headed back to the Wild Side to regroup, until Mikey Chen revived my soul to guide him. See Vigoda’s Voodoo book has powers beyond imagination, and it allows whoever possesses it to control the spirit world. That is why we have to stop Cliff Pritcher and the Cliffsiders, so they don’t destroy us all and everything Moe Greens created. The only thing that has stopped Cliff before was that Vigoda the Yeti was guarding the book from evil. But now since that two timing whore Ginger, stole it from him, and allowed it to end up in the Cliffsiders hands. We are all in great danger, and there are only two righteous beings that have the tools to kill Cliff forever.” This was a trip I couldn’t believe my friend Ray was back. It definitely allowed me to have a sigh of relief, knowing the Wildside was real and I wasn’t loco. Since I had my chance to figure more information about my destiny, I responded to Ray intensively. “Ray my brother; it’s good to hear from you again, I thought I lost you forever. Looks like we got to save the day like usual, but as long as you kicked that heroin addiction we should be good. Just joking man, I know this is a serious matter so I’ll stay stick to business. What’s the deal with this Yeti they call Pacheco?” I thought that would be a reasonable answer for the greatest piano player ever. But instead of responding to me, Ray decided to show off what this blues mobile was equipped with. The dashboard started to open up, and a giant big screen slid into view. A split in the screen allowed the profiles for Pacheco the yeti, and an unfamiliar face that I had never seen before. The flat screen T.V. was amazing; it was like a video game, or comic book full of information. I finally knew that this Pacheco fella seemed pretty righteous. His profile included a picture of what looked like Chewy from Star Wars, but instead a bit different. Pacheco was equipped with black shaggy hair, a sleeveless jean jacket that included a pot leave on the back, and the words “Blues Yeti Brother” on the back. His profile included a story about his life; he was a great warrior from the passed down genetics of a righteous yeti bloodline, very hip in space culture, a lady yeti’s man, and a well- known addict to the yeti Hollywood lifestyle. The next individual that Ray showed me was Tarik the 7 Leaf Monster. The profile to for Tarik was pretty astonishing, and actually shocking. Tarik was a lost baby left on the door steps of Vigoda the Yeti. He grew up in the land of yetis, until the age of ten. At that time the Yeti community scrutinized the young 7 leaf monster for being different. He was very similar to the Yetis, but he wasn’t made of fur. He was covered by a group of green marijuana leaves, and had distinct black eyeballs, with a black belt that had his name on it. The profile also said that Tarik had a special power for turning marijuana buds into special oil called rosin. This rosin was potent enough to get any creature high as fuck. Although, the Tarik Rosin was great for getting a buzz, it also had enough power to eliminate evil from any being. That is why the Don Yeti and his goons stole young Tarik, and dropped him off at the planet 7 Leaf. Don Yeti was afraid the power of rosin would stop him from taking over the Land of Yetis. Vigoda the Yeti was heartbroken that his only child had disappeared, and searched all of the Land of Yetis for him. After years of searching he finally gave up, the rest of the Yetis were satisfied with the disappearance of Tarik. After this overview of these two, Ray finally spoke again. “Well Zabba, these are the two creatures you will need to befriend, in order to save space from Cliff Pritcher. Both Pacheco and Tarik do not like each other, for they were classmates as children. Pacheco and his friends made Tarik’s life a living hell. They would tease him and start fights every chance they got. That is why your sense of righteousness and soul will be needed to bring these two great beings together. It will be no easy task Bob, they are powerful creatures, and absolutely will not jump at the idea of working together. The main point is that Pacheco and Tarik are brothers from different mothers. See James Brown the Yeti was a major player back in his day, and slept with many different female creatures. Pacheco’s mother is the famous yeti Marilyn Monroe, and Tarik’s mother is the Bride of Dankenstein. Obviously since you know the Yeti population likes to jack Earth’s swagger, Pacheco’s mother’s past is easy to explain. Now Tarik’s mother is a fucking weird story, which only a few actually know of. The story goes that the great cannabis activist Ed Rosenthal found his way to the planet 7 Leaf Collective. He soon realized this planet was not only very unique, but full of some of the dankest trees every created. Ed Rosenthal is a very well-known cannabis guru, and was a fan of the movie “Bride of Frankenstein”. Ed always pictured Frankenstein as an hip marijuana colored monster, and for some reason found that he could create a monster out of weed. He also knew that a male plant was unwelcoming and havoc causing. That is why he believed if he could create a marijuana monster, he would create it in a form of a female.Ed was successful in his creation, and taught Bride of Dankenstein how to be civilized. The beauty of Bride of Dankenstein was unbelievable. That is why when James Brown Yeti seen her, he instantly fell in love. They spent many romantic nights smoking ganja together. But once Tarik was born, that love changed. James Brown Yeti was unable to fully commit to the family lifestyle, and soon ditched out on them. Soon after Don Vito Yeti discovered that there was a human on Planet 7 Leaf. He thought that any human should be murdered for trespassing on Planet 7 Leaf. Bride of Dankenstein fought against Don Yeti’s goons to protect Tarik and Ed. But the goons were too much for her, so eventually they killed her and Ed in front of Tarik. Tarik was out of sight under some bud leaves, and spent days crying over his mother’s lifeless body. Until Vigoda was doing his monthly crop gathering, and found young Tarik. Vigoda found sympathy and pity for the child, and brought him back to Land of Yetis to take care of him. That is why Vigoda was so heartbroken when he lost Tarik years after. I thought to myself what an awful tragedy for the young Tarik to have to go through. “Well Ray my brother, let’s go find these righteous blues brothers, and save the wildside.” I said to Ray. Ray replied, “Groovy Zabba, we still got a lot to do, but let’s space-box this bitch. You just sit back, relax, and let Ray do the driving to find them. Today’s ganja smoke is some of Ed’s the Guru of marijuana’s finest cheeba. He calls it, “Brotha Man Bud”, it gets fucking lifted out my mind. So I’m sure you’re going to enjoy it man, it’s one the Wildside’s favorite.” Right after he spoke, green kush clouds starting filling the spaceship. Instantly I was on Cloud 9, this was the best bud ever. It was so good, I passed out the rest of the trip. I was in a complete trance, until I heard a thud tapping on the spaceships window. There was a big brown hairy hand, making a “hang loose” gesture.
Time to Get on the Good Foot
“Bob Zabba welcome back out of sedation, we have found our new pal Pacheco,” said Ray. The first time I seen a real life Yeti in person, was the day I understood James Brown’s song “Get on the Good Foot”. Pacheco was marvelous looking; he stood at about eight foot, and had fur like a grizzly bear. He was cool too, out in space riding on a hover board, with an astronaut space helmet on. With his big brown eyes and yeti breath fogging up the window, it was quite funny. He spoke to us by saying, “Nice ride Bob Zabba, I like your style. I am Pacheco the Yeti, aka the hippest yeti in space. Mikey Chen and Jill the Great told me about you before the Cliffsiders took over Land of the Yetis. Luckily I was able to escape on my space-board, and find you to help me save my people. The Cliffsiders and Don Yeti have taken over the planet, and have a red force field around it. I barely made it out of reach, when Cliff sparked the electric force fields over all the land. They are planning on murdering all of the Yeti’s and then destroy the Wildside. Cliff Pritcher has tapped into some dark magical powers from and evil unknown source. That is why we need to go to Planet 7 Leaf, and create the doorway into the Wildside. In order to get the Soulbusters to help us in our destiny, in killing them fucking evil bastards for good. There’s no time for any more information, drag me on my space-board to Planet 7 Leaf.” That’s when Ray said to me, “Funny guy isn’t he, I bet you’ve never seen a Yeti surfing some space waves, behind a blues mobile before.” I was speechless, not only was Ray right, this Pacheco character was cool as fuck. But I had never seen or imagined a Yeti space-boarding either. The ride to Planet 7 Leaf was epic, and you could see the red force field covering Land of the Yetis. I knew if it were Earth in danger, I would do whatever I could to prevent it. So I was destined to join forces with Pacheco, and help him save his people. That is why we need to go to Planet 7 Leaf, and create the doorway into the Wildside. In order to get the Soulbusters to help us in our destiny, in killing them fucking evil bastards for good. There’s no time for any more information, drag me on my space-board to Planet 7 Leaf.” That’s when Ray said to me, “Funny guy isn’t he, I bet you’ve never seen a Yeti surfing some space waves, behind a blues mobile before.” I was speechless, not only was Ray right, this Pacheco character was cool as fuck. But I had never seen or imagined a Yeti space-boarding either. The ride to Planet 7 Leaf was epic, and you could see the red force field covering Land of the Yetis. I knew if it were Earth in danger, I would do whatever I could to prevent it. So I was destined to join forces with Pacheco, and help him save his people. It didn’t take long for us to reach Planet 7 Leaf’s atmosphere. Instantly my nostrils stung from the ganja smell, there was nothing like it. So when Ray smoothly landed the blues mobile, I was intrigued to check out this righteous holy land of bud. But I also had to meet that funny yeti Pacheco, I figured it was about to get weird real quick. Ray left me with one last message, “Alright my brother Zabba, this is where we part ways again. Go find Tarik the 7 Leaf monster, and get this Yeti to help. Tarik’s rosin powers are the only thing that can defeat the Cliffsiders evil. But you must get them to help you create a door to the Wildside. The only way Cliff Pritcher will be destroyed, is to have seven righteous souls cross the streams of rosin. In order to create the most righteous soul power ever created, and that is what will stop the evil from destroying the Wildside. Now you, Pacheco, and Tarik are just three of the most righteous souls needed. You must find my colleagues the Soulbusters, and get their help to stop the Cliffsiders The Soulbusters were created by John Belushi, after he had stumbled upon the Wildside. See Bob, Belushi only had one regret from his life on Earth, and that was to become a Ghostbuster. I don’t know how well you know Belushi’s past, but if you remember he played the character Peter Veinkman, before Bill Murray on SNL. Belushi has no hard feelings towards Bill Murray, or any other actor in the movie Ghostbusters. He has told me many drunken nights on the streets of the Wildside, that he takes full responsibility for his drug habits and people he hurt by dying too soon. That is why he created the Soulbusters, and hopes that all of his friends will join him in Wildside someday. Matter of fact, after Harold Ramis aka “Egon” in the movie, has now joined our crew since he passed away. That leaves me to the last righteous soul we need to stop the Cliffsiders, besides myself of course. This man is the key, to getting Tarik to help the Land of Yetis. After Don Yeti’s goons murdered Ed Rosenthal, he soon became a crowd favorite in the wildside. Belushi soon invited him to join the Soulbusters, and he has been a trustworthy friend since. The purpose of the Soulbusters, is to keep out radically minded outlaws, that find anyone besides themselves, to deserve peace in eternity. That is why us Soulbusters go fuck up any specialists or racists that attempt to join the wildside. You be surprised by how many rich entitled bastards of earth, actually believe the wildside is the place for them. Just because money allowed them to hang out with popular global celebrities on Earth, does not mean they can spend eternity in cool vibes paradise. Moe Greens was well aware of self-entitled spirits that would attempt to take over his paradise from the righteous souls. That is why he hired John Belushi to create his dream of being a Ghostbuster. He knew deep down Belushi really just wanted to be next to his best friend Dan Akroyd, for his favorite movie script Dan had written for him. That is why you must get these righteous spirits together, and stop the evil of the Cliffsiders I will be on the hidden lookout for intruders while you are in the wildside. Peace out Zabba, one nation under a groove, to quote the righteous Funkadelic brother.” Right after Ray spoke of my mission, and history on the Soulbusters. The blues mobile doors opened, and a huge kush cloud drifted out of the spaceship. Instantly, as I stepped out of the spaceship, Pacheco came towards me and we each gave a righteous handshake. “Bob Zabba you look as groovy as they say, you got style my brother. You missed some fucking drama up in my homeland, those fucking Cliffsiders need to pay. They cast a evil spell on all of my people, and your fellow humans; Mikey Chen, Jill the Great and Tommy Lovato. They used their magical red sunglasses to possess everyone; I barely fought my way out. Luckily I have the fastest space-board around, and was able to escape the evil forces. I need your help Zabba, we have to save our people. We will take down these bastards, and I'm going to steal Cliff Pritcher's red shades after I kill him. Do you have any plans to destruct the Cliffsiders force field on my planet Bob?” I could see the heartbroken eyes Pacheco had, while telling me his story. So I answered him, “What’s the word my brother. It’s an honor to meet you man, and I am here to help. The spirit of Ray Charles has informed me, that we need to create the doorway into the Wildside. That is where we can find the Soulbusters to help us stop the Cliffsiders We also need to find Tarik the 7 Leaf monster, do you know him?” Pacheco seemed angered by when I spoke of Tarik, his face became fearful. That is when he picked me up forcefully, and said, “How dare you mock me, any Yeti knows Tarik is worthless. I went to yeti school with him, he’s no powerful creature to my knowledge. I have heard how he hides in the shadows of this planet, with his ugly and deformed siblings. They are rejects of the galaxy, and if you really think these bums can save us, we are no longer friends.” That is when Pacheco threw me into a giant cannabis plant, and roared a horrifying noise. As he walked towards me, I figured I was doomed. How could Ray be so wrong, and send me to get this beasts help. Pacheco would have killed me easily, if it weren’t for the help of a small purple plant life critter with one deformed arm, that came to rescue me. The little purple plant distracted Pacheco enough, for me to escape behind some cannabis trees. The view was terrible, as I witnessed Pacheco beat this plant creature to death. “I told you Bob Zabba, Tarik’s deformed family the rainbow children are evil. They look different than any normal being, look at his deformed limbs. There is no way I will ask that retard Tarik, or his deformed family for help,” said Pacheco. Right after Pacheco spoke, a gigantic creature came rushing out of the marijuana forest and punched Pacheco. “Who dares to kill my brother, you will pay for this whoever you are. Tarik smash!,” said Tarik, as he hit Pacheco in the face. That is when these two huge beasts battled for an epic fight. These two were evenly matched, as they took turns taking blows from each others punches. Until Tarik shot out his rosin, out of his thumbs and pinky fingers, at Pacheco’s body. After about a minute of Pacheco’s struggle to break loose of the rosin trap, he started laughing continuously. I figured this was my chance to win over Tarik, and inform him we are on a mission to find his father Ed Rosenthal. But as Tarik seen me, he swooped up his purple plant brother, and ran into the forest. After I helped the hysterical Pacheco out of the rosin, I ran towards the direction of Tarik. I found this large marijuana monster, kneeling next to his dead brother, and saying a prayer of some kind. Then he inserted his rosin on his brothers wounds, and stepped back from the plant. Miraculously, blue sparks flew around the dead plant, and quickly healed him back to life. I spoke to him, “Hey I am Bob Zabba, and I am a human from the planet Earth. I have been told to search for you, for you are one of the righteous seven souls needed to stop the Cliffsiders Now I figure you really have no care in the future of the Yetis, or humans on Earth, but how about Ed Rosenthal?” Once his brother had been healed completely, he stood up and turned towards me. He was a creature of not many words, but still said, “Mr. Zabba, I am Tarik, protector of all unfortunate creatures. Tarik will help you, but he wants no part with Pacheco. Pacheco was very mean to Tarik in yeti school, and he hates unfortunate creatures. But I will go along with you, it has been far too long since Tarik has seen his father Ed. Go get the stupid yeti, they call Pacheco, and I will set up the gateway to the wildside. We will need the three strands of ganja, to open the door to the spiritual world. My seven siblings the rainbow 7 leaf stars, will help you pick the best buds for the spell to work.” To my surprise, six more miniature plant creatures walked towards me, and showed me love as we slapped hands/leafs. They all looked very different in shapes, colors, and deformities. But they were all very righteous beings in their own way, and I was respecting every creature more and more. Tarik reminded me of the marijuana Willie Wonka, and his siblings as the oompa loompas. These far out rainbow 7 leaf stars, helped me get the happy dazed Pacheco to Tarik. Then I went to the blues mobile and grabbed a fat sack of P.I.C. bud, while the plant people found the other two strands. Once we got all three strands; P.I.C. bud, Bad Yeti Breath bud, and Ed’s Brotha Man bud together. Tarik rolled a fat cross joint, allowing the three buds to be separated until lit. After he finished rolling it, he handed it to me and said, “Zabba you must smoke this, and allow the smoke to make the doorway into the wildside. Now Tarik and Pacheco cannot travel to the wildside, so since you are the righteous human, it must be you to get the Soulbusters back here. Tarik wishes you good luck, and let the soul power guide you to righteousness.” Before I could reply, he lit the joint and passed it to me. Luckily I didn’t forget my blues brothers shades in the spaceship, which I put on. As the smoke reached my lungs, blue sparks shot out of my shades, and formed a door in midair. I could see Tarik’s hand reach towards the mythical blue door handle, and open it. Blue smoke blocked the view onto the other side, but I had no choice once Pacheco tripped and pushed me into the unknown. It was like a roller coaster, and I was sitting in it backwards, looking at Pacheco’s smiling face holding up a hang loose sign. As Pacheco’s figure faded in the darkness, I could feel this ride like thing whip me around this place. The darkness only lasted a few minutes, until a voice
The Offer Bob Zabba, Could Never Refuse
The voice of Moe Greens spoke to me, “Good evening my righteous brother, Bob Zabba. The wildside has been waiting for you to make your first appearance here. My personal assistants, Richard and George, have prepared your customized blues brothers suit and black hat. Please get yourself dressed, and meet us in the conference room down the hall. We will discuss your business here then.” Right as the voice disappeared, the darkness turned into a dim lit room. The room appeared to be a celebrity styled Vegas hotel suite. I was intrigued by the classy furniture and the framed photos of famous Wildsiders As I walked towards the giant window, full of black silk shades, they opened automatically. The view was beautifully full of colorful city lights, and Hollywood styled hills that had the words, Wildside in lights. First I thought to myself this was another dream, but then I realized the Wildside was real. As I put on my new acquired suit and hat, I felt very nervous. Not only was I going to meet the creator of the Wildside, but also other righteous human spirits that reside here. I wondered if I was worthy of such an honor, and would I really be able to convince them to help us. That’s when the door opened, and two individuals came in. The first one came in and said, “Hey new guy, what’s the hold up, haven’t you ever put on suit and tie before? Mr. Moe Greens would like to discuss business before Betty White makes it here.” This joker’s voice was very familiar, but I couldn’t get a good view of him. They both laughed at each other, and walked out. The one guy was in a silver suit, also silver shades on and appeared to be an older white dude with slicked back hair. The other old man was wearing a red suit, black shades, and appeared to be an older black dude with a mini fro. Knowing this was some important business, I rushed on my attire. Then I made my way out the door, into an enchanted pearled sculpture hallway. It was a marvelous sight, and the artwork was astonishing. My palms were getting sweaty, and I had that butterfly feeling in my stomach. When I reached the conference room, I opened the door. In the middle of the room, there was a large gold plated table. The table was surrounded by seven righteous looking men, all wearing suites and shades. The man at the end was a large Hawaiian Samoan looking dude. Without saying anything, he nodded at me, and then pointed at the open chair across from him. After I took a seat in the chair, he said “Aloha my brother, we are happy to have you here in the Wildside. Let me introduce you my people next to me. On the left here is the famous ganja guru Ed Rosenthal. Ed joined us after he was murdered by Don Yeti. He has been teaching us Wildsiders on how to make rosin. But without his son Tarik, we are unable to find the best combination of bud to make the best rosin. Then we have your old friend Ray Charles. I’m sure you two know enough about each other, where you already know he’s a quality wilderness Next we have a new member to the Wildside, Harold Ramis. Harold has been a huge addition to our team. With his Ghostbuster experience, he is a true leader in improving our technology. That leaves me to the right side here, where we have three of my famous comedians. First we have the creator of the Soulbusters, John Belushi. John has been my right hand man, since that fucking cockroach Cliff Pritcher back stabbed me. John is the leader of the Soulbusters, and has been our ace in exterminating unrighteous beings from the Wildside. The last two righteous comedians are my personal assistants and true best friends. Mr. Bob Zabba, meet George Carlin and Richard Pryor. These two have been creating laughs every night since they wondered here years ago. I would say they are my favorite comedians, but I got my main big guy John Candy cooking his famous monster pancakes in the kitchen. We have been watching you since we heard your tragic loss in 1994. Your pain and sorrow has not been forgotten, and we want to help you kill Cliff Pritcher. You are a product of soul power, and we figure you have the same vendetta as we do. I will leave you here with the Soulbusters, and they can show you their special wildside approved proton packs. Good vibes heading your way Mr. Zabba, and we know you will abide by the righteousness of soul.” Moe Greens then got up, and his assistants followed him out the room. I was left looking at these famous spirits; it was really intimidating to say the least. The awkward silence in the room was disturbed when Ed Rosenthal passed me his black lighter. “Welcome Bob, we are the Soulbusters. We already read your mind, and know why you are here. Follow us to the Soul cave, and we can get ready for our journey to the Planet 7 Leaf. But before we can leave, we must share a Soulbusters tradition with you. See us Soulbusters each smoke a fatty cigar filled with sweet cheeba and blessed good fortune. Brother Ray may you please do the honors of blessing this fatty”, Ed said to me. Ray then put the blunt up in the air, and said “We are the mighty Soulbuster, and the proud protectors of the Wildside. Moe Greens, Moe Greens, that’s all we want in the afterlife. We are everyday spirits, of all kinds of creatures, and just trying to smoke Moe Greens. Please soul power of the righteous Wildside, make our journey to kill them fuckers the Cliffsiders an easy smooth journey. Also allow our new brother Bob Zabba, a righteous beginning into the Wildside.” After Ray said his little prayer, everyone said “Fuck haters, long live the Wildside”, and pounded the table in unison. After that no one spoke, but we pleasantly passed around the blunt continuously until it was done. It was an experience like no other, to smoke these righteous Soulbusters. It was intimating hearing their voices in my head, responding to my every thought. There was no need for words in the Wildside, just telepathic thoughts back and forth. That is why when they all got up, I followed in complete rhythm. John Belushi then walked towards a fireman pole in the back corner, and slid down into the darkness. The other three Soulbusters nodded to me, and slid down also. That is why without any doubt; I followed these righteous spirits into the darkness. I thought to myself, potheads must really fall in love with Batman. Not only did the shop 7 Leaf Collective have a bat-cave, now the Soulbusters do. Not say I wasn’t a fan, I found this whole situation to be incredibly exhilarating. I could feel the wind fly by me, as I swirled down this long pole. But once I reached the ground, it looked like the movie set from Ghostbusters. Each one of the Soulbusters had a locker, with their own rosin proton pack, and variety of pictures from their human lives. As I watched these incredible beings, I was shocked to see a locker with my name on it. Had I finally reached my destination of being a righteous Blues Brother, but I had no time to reflect on the present. The future was the most important thing now, so I put on my personal rosin proton pack, and followed them to the official Soulbusters spaceship. My body was in a comfortable numbness that I couldn’t explain, as I sat in the same vehicle as my childhood heroes. The Soulbuster mobile was similar to the Ghostbusters Ecto-1 vehicle. But instead of the colors red, white and blue, the colors were green and black. The last thing I heard before we drove into the blue, cloudy portal. Was the voice of Belushi, “I like what you did with the Soulbusters spaceship, but the fucking cigarette lighter is still broken, you’re just like my brother Elwood.” Luckily, I still had my lighter in my pocket, and passed it to Belushi. He nodded in appreciation, and told Ray to start the spaceship. Blue sparks shot across the room frequently, and I again traveled through the gateway of the Wildside.
Bob Zabba’s Resurrection
I felt the Soulbusters spaceship was very similar to Bill and Ted’s phone booth, as we traveled back onto planet 7 leaf. There was no communication in the seconds traveling through the portal. But loud yelling and a harsh rumbling noise, broke the comfortable silence in the spaceship. Instantly I saw what the cause of this ruckus was. Pacheco and Tarik were again fighting each other, and tumbling around like WWE wrestlers. It was a comical scene to watch, since the seven rainbow children created circle around them. They were cheering Tarik on as he was Muhammad Ali fighting Joe Frazier. These two glorious beings were boxing in a boxing ring made of ganja plants. This irritated Ed Rosenthal, as he ran towards the ganja ring yelling, “You dumb fucks, this is no time for fighting. Tarik I am ashamed of your deliberate anger and how you know must only use your power towards evil. Pacheco I might not know you, but I do know your father James Brown Yeti. He also would be ashamed of your childish behavior. You two are righteous beings, and let me inform you blood brothers. James Brown is both of your fathers, and Tarik I am sorry this is the first time you are learning this. But we have no time to worry about that now, we must destroy the Cliffsiders. Tarik we need you to fill our proton packs, with your rosin. Your rosin is the only thing that can stop the evil from taking over the righteous souls on Land of the Yetis. These spirits I have brought with me are my brothers the Soulbusters, and we need all of us to destroy the evil. Pacheco we also need your help just as much. You know the Land of Yetis more than anyone, and your righteous power is needed on our mission. Ray will you give Pacheco his proton pack, and personal Soulbusters attire.” You would assume two beasts the size of Pacheco and Tarik, will never be tamed by a human spirit. But that was the case today, once Ed spoke, these two stopped fighting instantly. The respect for Ed was far more powerful, than any childhood memories. I wondered if Ed telepathically said something other than that to both of them. Although I would never know, it was thrilling to see Tarik fill each proton pack. Once we all had a full proton pack filled with Tarik’s special rosin, we looked like a super hero squad. I knew Dan Akroyd would be proud, if he had seen what Belushi had created. John Belushi, Harold Ramis, Ray Charles, Ed Rosenthal, Pacheco, and I were dressed in Blues Brothers attire. We also all were wearing official proton packs, and Tarik was our green Slimer. His two most influential films of American Culture were not only impressive movies, but that same creation would save the space. So that is why when Harold Ramis bumped the song “Higher and higher” by Jackie Wilson, as a reference to Ghostbusters 2 as they used the statue of liberty to destroy the guying force field. Nobody complained as he gave a tribute to his good friend Dan Akroyd on our journey to kill the Cliffsiders. Belushi handed me an oxygen tank so I wouldn’t stop breathing in space. Then all of the Soulbusters joined me in the spaceship, as Tarik and Pacheco were riding space-boards Once we reached the Land of Yetis, it was crazy to see a whole planet covered in an electrifying red force field up close. The whispers of the captured souls, were pleading for freedom as we hovered just outside the portals reach. “This might be an old phrase now, but don’t cross the streams, that will be very bad,” said Harold Ramis. We all had a short laugh together, as Belushi said, “Heat em up.” Without any hesitation and in complete rhythm we all said our names in complete unison. “John, Harold, Ray, Ed, Bob, Pacheco, and Tarik,” we said together as we blasted the red evil force field with our rosin proton packs. It was unbelievable how the rosin slowly killed the red force field. That is once we had created an opening big enough, for us to slip through, Pacheco led us past it. He instructed us to follow him into the Yeti jungle, and into a save spot from being seen. A strange mist and smell tainted the once righteous planet. There was an eerie feeling I had, as we walked through the giant Yeti forest. I could feel eyes watching us, every step we took closer to the evil. My thoughts were being in the movie Platoon, as in war as a soldier. The feeling of unknowing your fate, as you move towards your enemy, was quite riveting. Although I was surrounded by righteous beings, I knew how powerful Cliff Pritcher is. He not only killed my sister, but also manipulated two women I began fond of and truly trusted. But I was no longer worried about that, when I saw the flock of Cliffsiders running towards us. It was intense looking into the red shades of witches, vampires, yetis, and humans aggressively coming to end our lives. As I looked around at my righteous com-padres, I saw no fear in any of them. That was inspiring to me, as I stood with my hands holding the gun type rosin shooter. We were in what Hunter S. Thompson describes as bat country, when the vampires took their bat form. It was like a cloud of evilness, and hate rushing to destroy us. “I love being a Soulbuster,” shouted Belushi as he sprayed his rosin at the Cliffsiders. Without hesitation, the six of us righteous beings followed him into battle. The green rosin flooded the evil cloud, and it was unbelievable how quick the rosin changed the Cliffsiders into defenseless beings. Seconds after each new heard of Cliffsiders approached up, the touch of the Tarik rosin changed them instantly. I saw many familiar faces of the Cliffsiders, as we torched them with Rosin. The whitey brothers, Bad to the Bone Bikers, Mikey Chen, Tommy Lovato, Jill the Great, and all of the Yetis I’ve heard about were all changed to good from the rosin. It was incredible to see the good vibes of the rosin, were changing them right away. The more Cliffsiders that attempted to destruct us, the more we changed to good with the Tarik Rosin. After spraying and battling thousands of Cliffsiders, we finally reached Cliff Pritcher’s hide out. He had conquered James Brown Yeti’s mansion, and used the talented Yeti as his right hand man. His mansion was formatted similar to the ancient Egyptian pyramids, and had a fuck load of steps to the top. As we made our way up the colossal amount of steps, it was apparent Cliff Pritcher was waiting for us. He was sitting in a throne at the top of the pyramid, and surrounded by two beautiful women. Hil and Ginger were in red bikinis and shades, standing next to Cliff. “Bob Zabba how dare you try to destruct me again, this is not planet Earth. Do you really think you can stop me from taking over space, and finally allowing the evil powers to take over? I killed your sister Jilly, and now I will kill you, and your Wildside punks. My power is too strong for your weak soul power; also Hil has your child next to me. She will be my greatest prodigy as a Cliffsider, and you have nothing to stop me”, said Cliff Pritcher. I remembered my nightmares ages ago, when I saw the witches stab the pregnant Hil in the stomach. My only instincts were to save my child, so I frantically ran towards Cliff. My other Soulbuster brothers tried to stop me, but my human feelings encountered their voices from getting to me. Cliff smile left me without complete doubt, as he froze me with his evil power. “Hil and Ginger please stop him, you are righteous people, do not let this fucker change that”, I whispered out as in complete stalemate. It was no good obviously, as I seen Cliff pass a knife to Ginger and Hil. They took the innocent infant and continuously stabbed her until she was lifeless. My heart went broken, as I seen them murder my only child. I could see the satisfactory opinion of Cliff Pritcher, as he seen the child killed. That is when my Soulbuster crew desperately shot at us with rosin, it affected Hil and Ginger only. Cliff was not even touched by the rosin, as he cut the throats of Hil and Ginger. I was still in a stalemate state as I seen the fear in their eyes, as the blood leaked from them. Hil said, “Bob we are sorry, and this is not your child, Cliff just used her as a distraction to get you.” She then fell to the ground, as Ginger did also. Tears dropped from my eyes, as I realized the power of Cliff Pritcher’s evil. These two girls, were only victims to him, and that is why I pity them as they died. My focus left their lifeless bodies, and turned to Cliff. He looked evil as fuck, as his red shades stared at me up and down. My Soulbuster brothers became closer to my rescue, and unloaded the rosin onto Cliff. Unfortunately, it was no use and had no effect on this evil bastard. Cliff then shot out red sparks from his shades, which pushed my brothers down the pyramid steps. As my body was completely numb, Cliff put a knife to my throat. “You put up a good fight Zabba, but the power of my master is too powerful to defeat. I’m going to enjoy killing you, your no Hans Solo that’s for sure. Cliffsiders will regroup and soon take over all that you know. Bye Bob Zabba, you weak pathetic being of a Wildsider”, said Cliff. My vision went black, after Cliff slit my throat and blood continued to flow out until my death. My vision again went black, until I was in a familiar chair sitting across from a familiar face. Again I found myself in the Wildside, sitting across from Moe Greens. “Mr Zabba, nice to see you again, that was a very ugly death you had”, Moe Greens said to me. Of course I finally fucked up and died, to be honest I was surprised I made it this far. I could only laugh and say, “Moe Greens I’m not going to lie, I thought I was going to be the hero today. I’m sorry for letting all of the Wildsiders down, and not defeating Cliff Pritcher.” Without any response Moe Greens got out of seat, and walked out of the room. When he returned he was not alone, the person next to him made me cry. He walked back out with my baby sister Jillian Katewynn Johnson, and let her run to me. As the tears ran down my face, I hugged my sister for the first time since her death July 11th, 1994. She looked so beautiful, and was wearing the same pink dress she was buried in. Her soft voice spoke to me, “Bob I have waited so long for you to come to the Wildside. Although Cliff Pritcher killed me that day, I have waited for you to release my soul from his evil powers. I knew someday you would come save me big brother, I missed you so much. It is not your fault I died, and I have been watching over you and our family since.” These were the first words my sister had spoken to me since I was five years old, but it had seemed like yesterday I heard her voice. I smiled at her, and said, “Jilly I’m so sorry for not protecting you, but I was only a child. We have never forgotten you, and I have hoped for the day we meet again. I wish the rest of the family were here to see you, they have missed you so much also.” Moe Greens interrupted us, and said, “Bob Zabba I want to show you something, you have not only saved the Wildside. But I have one more proposition for you, it is your choice to accept or decline. Please look into the crystal ball, at the center of the table. Do you see yourself getting murdered by Cliff Pritcher, now watch what happens next.” My mind was completely blank, as I turned towards this magical crystal ball. I could see it was showing the footage of what had happened before, and after my death on the Land of Yetis. The crystal ball showed Tarik, Pacheco and the Soulbusters crossing the rosin proton packs streams. They blasted Cliff Pritcher, and finally used so much good vibes to kill him. As I watched Cliff burn up as the rosin took over his body, I was relieved. I then knew that my mission was complete, and all that is righteous was restored. The only thing left of Cliff was ashes and his red sunglasses. Pacheco then did what he said, and put on Cliff’s red shades. My brothers had defeated the evil, but what did that mean for me. The realization of being dead finally came over me. I spoke again, “Mr. Moe Greens, I am grateful for your help, and reuniting me with my sister. It is far out that the Wildside is saved, and the Cliffsiders are no more. But now that I have died, what does that mean for me.” As I looked at this righteous dude, he said, “Bobby boy you’re not dead, your just not human anymore. The Wildside is saved for now, and you are to thank for that. But just because Cliff is dead, does not mean space is safe from evil. I said earlier I have one proposition for you, and that is the truth. Now that you are a righteous spirit, it is you right to travel space as you feel necessary. Although, I want to make you an offer to be a Soulbuster for eternity, and help us keep the Wildside safe. There is a commitment to being a Soulbuster, most souls are unable to pursue. But you Bob Zabba are not any other soul, you are a Blues Brother. So in conclusion to our meeting, please agree to my offer to becoming my friend and fellow Wildsider.” My thoughts were easy going, and in complete approval as I agreed to the terms of Moe Greens proposal. My sister again hugged me, as I finished signing the contract Moe Greens had put in front of me. Moe said, “That’s groovy news Bob, and I welcome you to the Soulbusters. Now I wish I could say all days will be paradise for you from now on, but that be a lie. Not to say that tonight can’t be an exception. Please come join us in the annual celebration on the Land of the Yetis, and party like animals in the house of Pacheco. We have an all-star line up tonight, first we have “The Three Wildsiders”. That comedy duo includes; George Carlin, Richard Pryor, and John Candy. Then we have a musical group called, “West-coast Wildsiders”. That group includes; Tupac, Biggie Smalls, and Nate Dogg. After that we always end the night with Vigoda the Yetis karaoke night, where we sing all the famous Wildsider songs.” Now that I was a righteous spirit of the Wildside, I found no reason to be scared of partying with the Wildsiders. That is why when I found myself surrounded by the Soulbusters, Tarik, and Pacheco I was not shocked. We all slammed our beers in cheers, and repeated the Wildside prayer, “Moe Greens, Moe Greens, that’s all we want in the afterlife. We are everyday spirits, of all kinds of creatures, and just trying to smoke Moe Greens.” The afterlife was not so bad after all, and I no longer feared my future. While I enjoyed a great night with all of the Yetis, Soulbusters, Mikey Chen, Jill the Great, Tommy Lovato, Pacheco, Tarik, 7 rainbow children, and all the other righteous beings of the Wildside. I found peace within myself, and knew I had finally found the place I belong.